Archive for the ‘Personal stuff’ Category

Personality Tests & Creativity

Posted: January 3, 2016 in Personal stuff

I have always had a thing about personality tests. I grew up in a time without being online, so we read magazines for kids/teenagers, and they always had one such test in each issue.

A friend of mine told me she was a INFJ type personality, so I got curious and indeed the Myers Brigg type test is considered one of the most psychologically valid ones, proven to be very accurate.

I made it for free here: Meyers Brigg Type Personality Test

So there are four major categories where you can be either one or the other…
and in three out of four, the test told me:

“Your score was right on the borderline for ……. We can’t say for sure what your style is for this dimension of personality.”

Only in the second category I am fully Intuitive, that’s the ‘N’ (iNtuitive), versus ‘Sensing’.

The test went on to give me these possibilities for my personality:
ENFJ: The Teacher
ENFP: The Champion
ENTJ: The Commander
ENTP: The Visionary
INFJ: The Counselor
INFP: The Healer
INTJ: The Mastermind
INTP: The Architect

If I look at them I can say, yes, I’m all of them, sometimes more, sometimes less, but what I am MOST OF ALL is this:

I’m divergent!

And proud of it. I will NOT EVER be compartmentalized, not consciously, not subconsciously. Above all, I am a Freedom-seeker & -fighter. Take this corporate world!

What is your result?

Floating through life

Posted: March 20, 2013 in Freethought, Personal stuff

Sometimes I feel like I’m swimming through life, never quite aware of whether I’m above water or already below, whether I’m floating, paddling, crawling or doing this dolphin stuff, whether I’m in a peaceful lake, in a river swimming up- or downstream or in an ocean in the middle of nowhere or just 5 meters from the beach. All I know that my feet don’t touch the ground and when I stop moving, I’ll drown.

I feel compelled to do so many things, but I have no clue if they get me any closer to the land. My land. The land where I belong, where I was meant to be, where everything makes sense, including myself.

There are moments where I am floating weightlessly on the warm water, the sun is shining down on me and the full beauty of this Earth is revealed in front of my eyes and I feel totally happy, content and blissful. And I live for those moments. I fight for those moments, I work hard for them, never giving up, never loosing hope, because each time, there is the chance that the current of these moments will gently carry me to my land.

But currents are slow and unpredictable. I would reach my land so much faster if I only saw it and could swim towards it. If only…

Yet, if I was one of those people whose feet have never left the ground, I wouldn’t know this feeling of weightlessness that frees you from the bounds of the world and lets you experience the realm of inspiration, caught in the creativity of my written word.

books that changed my life

I read this when I was around 27 years old and it caused a radical change in the way I thought and in my quality of life.

I have always been a thinker. When I was a child and later a teenager, I spent a lot of time alone for various reasons and I spent this time either reading or thinking. Even today I’m one of those people, who sometimes spends hours lost in thought, something that is simply inconceivable to some of my friends, but I quite enjoy it.

The problem I had back then though, is that I spent 90% of my thinking time either in the past or in the future. I thought for example about past situations and how I could have mastered them better, what I could have said or done. Back then I was rather introverted and not well equipped to deal with people my age, so I always was able to think of much better ways that I could have behaved. Of course that constantly dampened my self-confidence, which made the overall situation worse, not better.

Alternatively I thought about the future and what I would do differently/better in that future. I thought about my dreams and how to reach them and what could possibly happen. For important events I had a plan A, B, C and D! I’d say it’s rather normal for many Germans to have a plan B, but C and D is really obsessing. When things took a different turn, that I had not pre-calculated, I was mostly unable to adjust.

Then I read this book! I realised that I was living in the past and in the future, but rarely in the Now. I tried the exercises in this book that help you stay in the Now. They were extremely difficult for me at first. But I kept at it and my life transformed. I changed my job, I became much more extroverted, I was suddenly able to react spontaneously and to improvise, to jump into cold water. It was like somebody had lifted an enormous weight from me, truly liberating.
I don’t remember who it was who said it, but many wise people have voiced this concept: “You are what you think you are.”
You build your Universe, the way you perceive the world with your thoughts and if theses thoughts are rarely in the Now, in a way you do not really live, because life is NOW!

In my opinion it is secondary if you gain “enlightenment” (a term very misunderstood and abused nowadays) or not. But to discover what life has to offer in this moment is a great experience, especially for people who tend to “fuss”  😉

PS: Eckhart Tolle is also an author who wrote books in English and in German, only he did it the other way around. His first books were written in English and then he switched back to German. However they all got translated of course.

My good ol’ British soul

Posted: January 8, 2013 in Personal stuff

Five o`clock in the evening and we set wheel on English soil at Dover. The weather was and still is misty. There is thick mist hanging over the landscape, so that the only thing we really could see from the Ferry were the white cliffs of Dover.

It was raining of course, a constant drizzle and the first thing we did, was driving to Folkestone`s Tesco to shop for some essentials (Earl Grey Tea, Chips…). Then we went up to Newington and to our lovely B&B with the rooms that could feature in a Jane Austen movie.

It started already when we came back out of Tesco with our bags, making our way through the car park through the drizzling rain. And we both felt, as if it was just another day in Edinburgh, returning after the evening shopping and on our way to our flat in Lochend Road, where we would have a cosy evening.

It didn`t feel like holiday at all. Coming here is like coming home for me, more than in Germany or any other place. Everything feels just right. I don`t mind the rain and the mist. Anywhere else, the mist makes your surroundings feel more uncomfortable. Here, everything appears more mysterious, as if you have stepped into another world.
If I was a witch I would say that you can feel the magic of the land in the air.

The very first thing that I do when I`m back where my soul belongs, is to make a cup of tea. I do have English tea bags, water, milk and sugar at home in Germany, but it is still impossible to even get close to the taste of a proper cup of tea brewed here. The reason is beyond me, but that`s how it is and I`m happy for it. Each country has such specialities which taste only truly good in that country and that`s one of the major reasons why travelling is so much better than just watching a documentary on TV.

That first cup of tea is always bliss to me. I savour every sip, sitting in the bed of this beautiful room that has a ceiling with wooden beams, a fluffy carpet, wooden furniture country house style and even a dresser with a three angle mirror on top of it, just like in the Jane Austen movies. The bed is facing the big window, which gives us a view over green hills, dotted with trees, sheep and the sea at the horizon. Well, I know that you see the sea at the horizon from our last visit here, of course today, I can only see as far as the fence to the neighbouring meadows.

I remember clearly the first time I saw the green hills of England for the first time at Brighton, when I was eighteen years old. My first thought, was that I had never seen such an amazing shade of green and I felt for the first time, what I felt ever since when I set foot on those hills again. A deep yearning inside of me, for what, I cannot really say, but it has to do with being here, being able to walk over those green hills, smelling the salty air on the constant breeze and feeling this deep deep connection to the land. It is as if I am constantly on the very edge of remembering something, something that was more important to me than anything else in the world, even my own life.
I keep having déjá vu moments here at almost every corner. They`ve become so normal to me, that I don`t even consciously notice them anymore. It`s just part of my life.

How I try to explain this to myself? I don`t try to anymore. There are many possible explanations out there, but I want to keep an open mind about it. If I settle on one explanation now, I might not recognise the truth when and if it hits me.

And even if it doesn`t, I shall not be any sadder for it. I`ve accepted it as part of myself and I know, deep inside of myself, that it will play an important role in my life. In a way, it does already.
I am simply a German who feels at home on the British Islands.

Oct. 2012 ~ Folkestone

…if I didn’t have a blog.” a friend recently said to me. I couldn’t just let that go. She has a point and I don’t want to limit myself to Facebook. After all there are still people out there who don’t have a FB page.

So here it is. I don’t yet know how exactly I’m going to use it, since I do want to concentrate on the website, but in the creative process, one never knows what happens next. That’s what makes it so exciting!

All yours